Monday, March 21, 2011


Although you disagree with Tootie politically, you still don't want him dead. You believe that life is precious, so in an effort to keep from having to kill a man you suggest torturing him to extract intelligence on the Tippy Dappel.

"This is a wonderful idea, you are true leadership material," says Roscoe. He walks towards Tootie to rip off the chrome duct tape covering his mouth.

As Roscoe steps towards Tootie, opportunity presents itself. Communism is great and all, but imagine all the things you could demand if you were able to hold Roscoe hostage! You wrap your arm around Roscoe's neck and hold your gun up to his temple. The guards quickly aim their guns at you but are hesitant to shoot anywhere near Roscoe's direction; without him the entire Ticka Wicky operation is kaput.

You lay out a list of demands: inconspicuous weapons, inconspicuous armor, a means of time traveling, but most importantly, the trained orangutan you saw on the way to Tootie's room.

They are quick to comply, anything for the well-being of Supreme-Leader Roscoe.

You are given a handgun, a hunting knife with a holster that straps to your leg, a bulletproof vest, a watch that enables you to travel through time and one well-trained orangutan to accompany you on your time-traveling journey.

You haven't a clue how the watch works, but you have always prided yourself as a "techie" and refuse to ask for a tutorial or read the manual. The orangutan indicates that he knows how the watch works. Well-trained was certainly an understatement.

You realize that if you are going to travel into the future where Roscoe has succeeded in instilling a global communist takeover, then odds are you are going to be an enemy of the state. Knowing that this wouldn't be in your best interest, just before letting your orangutan initiate the time warp you put a bullet in Roscoe's head.

So much for life being precious.

It makes a much bigger mess than you thought it would. The guards let loose, firing an array of bullets towards you, but it is too late, you have initiated the time warp and are on your way to the year 2040. To choose that year seemed arbitrary, because it was. After all, an orangutan made the decision.

In the process of your hostage situation, Tootie had also managed to free his hands from the chrome rope that bound them. In an effort to follow you, he initiates his time traveling watch as well, also to the arbitrary year of 2040.

The time-warp is an absolutely horrifying place. You see things outside of the realm of comprehension, things that could not possibly be put into words, so you don't bother trying to do so.

You finally arrive with your orangutan buddy in what seems to be an abandoned city. The air is so thick with smog you can taste it, you put your shirt over your mouth and nose in order to breathe.

Your orangutan buddy finally starts to gather himself. "Wow, that was a lot more intense than usual."

You freak out for a moment, as does he.

"What the... God damnit, I guess it was bound to happen eventually."

You are dumbfounded by your talking monkey friend.

"It's me, you idiot!"

You recognize the voice, it's Tootie. Something to do with the time space continuum that you don't understand must have switched their minds. You notice that Tootie's actual body is on the floor right next to you, the smog must have initially distracted you from this. Tootie's former human body wakes up, is startled and runs away screaming like an orangutan would. You figure it'll all work itself out in the end, and if not then you have a talking orangutan to be your good friend, so no complaints.

"While I appreciate you not shooting me int he head, were you really going to side with communism?" asks Tootie the lovable orangutan.

You hear whispers in the distance.

"What was that?" says Tootie, through his adorable monkey mouth.

"NOW!" yells a child's voice.

You are suddenly surrounded by a group of about twenty leather-clad children, ranging from ages 8-14. They are wearing goggles and covered in filth. The younger children are brandishing spears.

"Come with us peacefully and there will be no need for trouble, our King will be absolutely ecstatic to see you."


Attempt to use diplomacy to politely decline their "invitation" and use violence only as a last resort.

Use violence as your first resort by using your concealed weapons and Tootie's newfound naturally immense orangutan strength to beat up and potentially kill a large group of children.

Comply with the group of children and meet their King. He may have valuable information about the area and there's still plenty of time to resort to violence.


  1. This seems like an obvious opportunity to beat up twenty children.

  2. Never trust children, might as well kill them.

  3. You start beating up on the kids but they subdue you with their ridiculous "Arnold" Strength. They then take you to their king so that he may dispose of you as he wishes. Thereby learning a valuable information about the future...Don't fuck with children from the future! Hopefully the king likes you enough to share some knowledge.

  4. This is a tough one, I want to see kids get beaten up by the protaginist and his orangutan but at the same time, I'm curious about this king. I say fight 'em and see what happens.

  5. You subdue the children with force then have them take you to their king.

  6. I know I'm late to this, but boy do I hope you went to see the king. I have a good feeling about this. Now to go read part 7 and see if I was right.